This Too Shall Pass!

 

In the decade before the big homeownership meltdown and foreclosure crisis began, I had already worked with many distressed homeowners facing the imminent loss of their homes every year.

They usually don’t call until they’re several months behind on their mortgage loan and are already in foreclosure proceedings. Sometimes, I don’t get a call until they’re days away from a sheriff’s sale, foreclosure auction or eviction.

I don’t bother asking distressed homeowners what took them so long to call me. Therapists have known for years how depression and despair can paralyze an otherwise healthy human being.

The biggest challenge for many homeowners in distress is the simple act of getting out of bed and trying to do something. Loss of appetite, sleep and even hair are common symptoms. Another is that many just can’t see a way out of the mess.

This online resource is for all homeowners in mortgage distress…

And this first section is especially for those who don’t know how to get started.

This entire online guide is designed to help homeowners overcome this paralysis by offering strength, direction and hope for the future. We begin by providing a context and a shot of truth; we then get the ball rolling by helping you with the first step of developing a road map to recovery.

It is traumatic…

Although it’s not recognized as a common trauma, mortgage default and the foreclosure proceedings that follow it are incredibly traumatic. This is especially true in a country such as the United States, where homeownership has long been part of the American Dream—and identity. An unexpected consequence of this common dream, however, is the feeling of absolute failure when that dream collapses due to financial difficulties.

The aggressive collection efforts by many creditors only exacerbate the trauma. Creditor collection agents or “billing reminders” don’t bother to tell you how you can handle the payments when you are up to our eyeballs in debt and don’t have a dime to spare. They just want their money. But we can’t blame these individuals, because there is a legal obligation; and debt-collection is their job.

But their job can be a vicious way to make a living. The constant, often-harassing phone calls reach you at home and at work. They may even call relatives and friends.

Many lenders routinely ask for the contact information of family and friends when they initially provide a loan. If you bothered to ask why, lenders normally respond by saying that they need references. But the dirty truth is that they collect that information so that when you fall into delinquency, lenders can apply extra pressure by also calling your friends and family.

Creditors are legally prohibited from discussing your financial information with anyone else (without your consent). But they can and do leave messages with your friends and relatives, saying that they have an urgent business to discuss with you. The tone in their “urgent” messages makes it clear to all that they’re trying to shame you into paying them.

But with what?

There’s usually a good reason why most homeowners fall behind on their mortgage loans. Very few homeowners intentionally try to fall behind, cheat their lenders or risk losing their home. The majority of distressed homeowners fall into default because of job loss, drop in income or medical emergencies. Too many also were ill-advised as to whether they could afford the mortgage loan over the long term.

It’s the proverbial spot between a rock and a hard place. You don’t have any money, but your creditors demand payment. The stress can be overwhelming.

 

Don’t Believe the Darkness!

When we shine the light into the darkness, the darkness will recede and disappear. But too many institutions and people want to keep us in the dark.

Don’t believe them. Creditors and collection agents have ulterior, purely financial motives. They want you distressed. They believe that you’ll then be motivated to release the money they think you’re hiding.

As if!

There’s also a normally unspoken accusation that you’re a worthless person if you’re unable to meet your payment obligations. Underlying that accusation is the power of shame. They want you to feel ashamed for your financial difficulties.

Don’t believe them!

You have power!

The truth is that you have a great deal of power, even when you’re months behind on your mortgage. Of course, it doesn’t serve collection agents and creditors to let you realize this fact.

As will be discussed in the chapters that follow, the foreclosure process is not a one-sided procedure. Hundreds of years of legal history have established a variety of rights and protections for homeowners in distress.

You have options!

You have the opportunity to fight foreclosure. You have various options for legally salvaging your homes, finances and life. Even after a foreclosure judgment or notice of sale, homeowners will often have the option of regaining their home or its equity.

This event does not define you!

One financial disaster does not define our lives. A financial setback does not forever brand our personal identity. Life is full of tragedy and mistakes; but I believe that such hard times only serve to provide context to all of our accomplishments and growth.

I also believe that our true identities are defined by how we treat others and the relationships we build and nurture. The dignity and sanctity of human life has nothing to do with credit ratings, homeownership or retirement fund balances.

 

The sense of darkness and gloom is the primary reason why it’s so difficult for many distressed homeowners to get moving. If you find yourself in such a situation, it helps to remember the cause for this paralysis. It is this sense of darkness and hopelessness.

Once you realize that this darkness is not real, the shackles keeping you from moving forward will fall off and set you free.